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As parents, we want our children to learn. We know the benefits of being able to read well, to write clearly, to solve problems and to communicate effectively. Not only do these abilities allow us to earn a decent living, but they also help us to enjoy life and to appreciate its wonders and beauty.

So, as many generations before us, we preach the benefits of a good education and try with deliberate effort to uphold, at least verbally, the values of studying, of “hitting the books and burning the midnight oil.” But with our sermonettes, cajoling, and in some instances, begging and threatening our children to study and learn, many of them seem to turn away and perceive us simply as nagging parents with little impact on their daily learning. We, in turn, often feel guilty and fatigued by these constant battles for our children’s benefit, and resent our roles as minister-wardens in the service of modern education.

There is much that we can do. What follows is a checklist of parental behaviors that can facilitate the motivation of our children to learn. None of these suggestions in and of itself is enough to spell the difference between a child who studies and one who does not. Rather, it is their combination and employment as a totality that can realistically help our sons and daughters to consistently involve themselves in the pursuit of learning at school as well as at home.

Our modeling is a powerful incentive to our children’s learning. If they see us doing it, then they know it’s worthwhile and can identify with us. If they don’t see us enjoying learning, they can dismiss our support for learning as another example of “not practicing what we preach.”

By Ann Gitari

Looking at the children of All Saints Cathedral Kindergarten playing happily it is clear that they have no idea how the current political situation may adversely affect their future. Perhaps it’s best that way. Besides, they are too young, too innocent, too happy to understand the political crisis in the country. They had nothing to do with it anyway. As they play on their little swings and slides, two parents sit in the headmistress’ office, trying to plead their case.

“We are refugees in this country” one says. ” We came from Eldoret a week ago. My husband and I together with our children are living in a hotel. All we ask is for you to admit our children for a month or two before we can be able to go back home.”

The headmistress, Miss Grace Rwabu has no problem with that. Besides, though she is expecting 150 officially admitted children this year, only 100 have reported so far.

“Some are still in the clash torn areas,” she explains. “However, some parents have opted to transfer them to nursery schools closer to home or in their various estates.”

This poor show in number can be attributed to the fact that Uhuru Park, the proposed venue for the mass action rallies called by a faction of the political divide is just next door. The only structure separating Park from Kindergarten is a church, the All Saints Cathedral – perhaps God’s way of protecting his little ones.

But not all parents are convinced, and on days the mass action rallies have been called, a mere 20 students brave the tear gas and heavily armed security personnel just to learn their ABC’S.

Meanwhile, parents are being forced to purchase uniforms for schools that their children may only attend for a month or two before, they hope, they can go back home. Home, to their other teacher, their old friends, to their old school, where there are no policemen on the way to school.

Helping your children succeed in school and beyond is easy. Just get involved.
by Moira McCarthy

What if I told you an act as simple as showing up to lend a hand at your child’s school fair or taking a seat at the school’s PTO or PTA meeting could lead your child to a successful school career with excellent grades, graduation kudos, a secure college acceptance and, eventually, total world domination?

OK, it might not be that easy, but follow me: When my first child began school some 15 years ago, I was a young mother and new to our suburban town. My husband and I had chosen the town for two reasons: affordability of housing and proximity to my workplace.

As my first child began to walk and my second child came into the world, I knew only a few people; I hadn’t bonded with the group I remembered my own mother hanging with: the involved parents who not only helped make things happen but supported their children in all their efforts.

At the groundbreaking of a new library in town, I talked with an older mom briefly. She asked me what I thought of the town, and I answered her honestly: “I’m not sure there’s anyone I can relate to.”

She smiled, patted me on the back, and said simply, “It will all work itself out when Leigh starts school. You’ll meet them all at the PTO meeting.”

Was she ever right. Today, with Leigh well into her sophomore year at a prestigious college (after graduating near the top of her high school class) I can safely say things seem to be working out, and I can trace it all back to that first day I stepped into a school volunteer situation.

It was the planning meeting for the Family Fair, and despite having worked for years as a crime reporter, I was scared. Since I was a relatively young mom (28 when Leigh started kindergarten), I felt a bit like the Junior Girl Scout peeking in on the Gold Circle Ceremony. And I quite literally knew almost no one. Looking at the group as I walked in, they looked so tight. So connected. So already a club. Would they accept me? Could I really be one of them?

They did, and I am. Because the fact is, school volunteer groups are hungry for parents like me—parents who are not only interested in being a part of their child’s education but also willing to do what’s necessary to keep the school running the way it should.

Parents can sometimes be scared off from volunteering. They work; it’s hard to find the time. They don’t know anyone; it seems like such a tight group. They’ll be asked to run major events that professional planning companies would struggle with. Be assured, as you consider volunteering on behalf of your child, there is a place and a time commitment for everyone.

The great thing is, no matter what you have to give, we all get the same in return: a feeling of partnership with our children and their school. A feeling of belonging in that community. You’ll be setting an example for your children, telling them that school, and all it is about, is an important part of their world right now. And you’ll make friends.

As the top students were called to the stage at my older daughter’s high school graduation, I noticed something amazing: They were all children of the parents I’d met around the PTO table. I leaned over to one mom, tapped her on the shoulder, and said, “We must have picked the right crafts for crafts night!” She knew just what I meant.

So as you start your child’s school year, whether you’re a newbie like I was or just been away from it for a while like many others, give school volunteering a chance. You’ll be most welcome. And when your child is leader of the free world, you can trace it all back to running the hula-hoop contest on Field Day. I know I’m going to.

How To Get Involved
School parent groups are about building a supportive community where teachers, administrators, and students can do their best work. Here are just a few ways you might be able to help.

• Serve as a guest reader in your child’s classroom
• Talk to a class about your job or hobby
• Design a booth for the school carnival
• Volunteer as a translator
• Staff a school welcome desk
• Serve as a resource for parents of incoming students
• Help children pick out books at the book fair
• Record a cassette tape for students to read along with
• Participate in a phone tree to help schedule parent volunteers
• Collect recyclables to be used in the classroom
• Coach students in organizational skills
• Enter fundraising orders on the computer
• Help with school cleanup or landscaping
• Organize a school talent night
• Type up class lists
• Serve on a school council or advisory board
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By: Joan E. LeFebvre
At some point, most of us have been witness to a painful scene: A child’s separation-anxiety meltdown. It goes something like this: A three-year-old wails “Don’t leave me here! I wanna go hooome!” as his frazzled mother attempts to loosen the iron grip he managed to establish on her leg. Clearly, no amount of lighthearted “won’t-today-be-fun” banter on the drive to preschool had managed to stave off this episode. She probably dared to believe he was prepared, hoping against hope for a nonchalant kiss on the cheek and breezy wave goodbye. But nope. She found herself in the octopus-like clutches of a child with separation anxiety.

Although a strong relationship with parents helps children to cope with their anxiety as the time for goodbyes approaches, first “big” separations can be challenging for child and parent alike. As soon as babies have the capacity to remember a parent, beginning at approximately seven months of age, many children weep as though they’ve been eternally forsaken when mom or dad walks out the door. Toddlers cling koala-like to their mothers when they sense her imminent departure.

Separation fears may be more intense in children who are temperamentally “slow-to-warm-up” and have difficulty making transitions or entering new situations. They can experience a variety of emotions such as anger, guilt, jealousy, confusion, hurt, and fear. Preschool children may regress to outgrown behavior like whining, crying, and bed-wetting, or may become more aggressive and demanding. So what can be done to minimize the chance that your child will suffer from fears of separation?

Security Blanket or Favorite Toy
Linus was onto something: A favorite toy or blanket can help your child feel more confident and secure. Research shows that children who are given “transitional objects” cry less when they are separated from their parents. These children are also able to explore their environment more actively and focus on and learn new tasks better than children not in the possession of a favorite item.

No Parental Guilt!
Parents often feel guilty and distressed about their child’s natural reaction to a separation and may unwittingly prolong and reinforce a separation reaction. There are two ways in which a parent can go wrong here: By leaving too soon and by not leaving soon enough. You walk a fine line, and choosing the perfect moment to make your move can be tricky. But whatever you do, be sure to say goodbye. Don’t just sneak out as soon as your child’s attention is diverted. On the other hand, don’t linger. Reassure your preschooler through your words and your actions that everything will be fine in your absence and that you will come back for him soon.

Suggestions for Parents
Before you leave, tell the child you are going, and mention when you will return. It may help to say something like “…and I’ll pick you up at 11 o’clock just like last week” to enable her to imagine the duration of her separation from you. In order to bear being apart, a child must know that the parent will return.

After you say you are leaving, go! If you linger because of the child’s whining, then you are teaching your child that whining is an effective way to get what he wants.

Expressing affection for your child is appropriate, but separation is made more difficult if you, the parent, verbally or nonverbally express ambivalence, guilt, worry, or uncertainty about leaving the child. Be confident! The parent’s emotional response to separation is a common cause of the child’s emotional response.

Practice with brief separations first. Show your child that you return reliably.

Don’t be late picking your child up! Be on time, or even a little early. Children can get very distressed, feeling abandoned if all the other children have been picked up and they’re “left alone.”

Provide a consistent routine that children can count on, and stick with it. Most adults feel more secure when they know what’s going to happen next. Children have an even greater need for routine.

Allow children some time to get accustomed to new people. Kids feel more secure when they know and trust their caregivers. If your child is slow to adapt to new situations, she may even need a few weeks to transition. Patience is key.

Separation anxiety is normal; to children, separation is the most threatening of all situations. On rare occasions, however, it may be a red flag that there’s a problem that you should know about. Talk to your child and your day care provider about what your child experiences at day care. Perhaps she gets teased by other children or is afraid of the class’s pet guinea pig. Maybe he thinks the teacher looks like mean Uncle Albert! Whatever the cause, when separation anxiety persists it makes sense for you to be proactive and sleuth out the reason so that it can be addressed and overcome.

Never Threaten a Child With Separation
Parents sometimes resort to threatening little children with “going away” in order to frighten them into better behavior. It’s true this often results in some improvement in the child’s conduct, since the possibility of losing a parent is so upsetting that he will do anything to avoid it. But these threats may also produce extreme anxiety in the child. Basically this kind of threat tells the child that you would be willing and able to leave him at any time. A bad act, he realizes, might cause him to lose his parents forever. Better for the child to be confident that he can count on your love and support through thick and thin.

To Sum It Up
Be patient and thorough when explaining the reason for your departure to your child. Doing so can help her feel confident that you will return, and that she hasn’t done anything “bad” to make you leave. Because young children lack a real understanding of cause and effect, they may not be clear on points that you consider obvious. If your child does regress to outgrown behavior, you may need to adjust your expectations and standards. Strive to establish a consistent routine. Pay particular attention to basic needs such as sleep, meals and exercise. Your child needs to feel that you are dependable, that he can count on you to do as you say you will. Use separations as opportunities to build the level of trust between you.

With all the stomachaches and sniffles that come along with childhood, it can be hard to know when to keep a sick child home from school.

Most schools have policies that spell out how sick is too sick to go to class. Although policies vary from one community to the next, in general, children should go to school if they have cold symptoms without a fever and stay home if they have an infectious condition or a cold with fever. In addition, students should stay home if they have any of the following:

• Diarrhea
• Vomiting
• Coughs that produce phlegm
• Thick, yellow nasal discharge
• Fever of more than 100 degrees that lasts more than 24 hours
• Flu

Among the most common illnesses seen by school nurses are the flu, impetigo, conjunctivitis, head lice, and pertussis, according to Susan Marley, an executive committee member with the National Association of School Nurses. She recommends the following for these common conditions: Flu: Children should stay home until they go at least 24 hours without a fever.

Impetigo: This bacterial skin infection forms open sores and crusty scabs, usually on the face, arms, or legs. If your child has an open sore that you suspect is impetigo, it should be checked by a doctor before coming to school. Conjunctivitis (pinkeye): Pinkeye may be caused by a virus or bacteria or may result from an allergic reaction. See a doctor to determine whether your child’s pinkeye is contagious.

Head lice: If you think your child might have head lice, have the school nurse take a look. If evidence of lice is found, your child should stay home until all lice and nits have been removed. Pertussis (whooping cough): Because pertussis is highly contagious, you should take your child to the doctor right away if you suspect that your child has it.

Ringworm: Have the school nurse check out possible cases of ringworm and determine whether the child needs to see a doctor. If a diagnosis of ringworm is confirmed, the child should be treated before going back to school. In addition to following these guidelines when your child is sick, consider your child’s ability to interact with others and pay attention in class.

Even if a child is recovering from an illness and is technically well enough to go to school, it may be in the child’s best interest to stay home and rest, Marley says. “If they’re still very sleepy and irritable,” she says, “they’re going to have a harder time learning and socializing in school.”

How to Tell (and What to Do) When There Is a Delay
By: Kevin Klein

My friends Dave and Patricia have two kids, Xavier and Declan. They’re what are technically known as “beautiful” boys: huge eyes, long lashes, button noses, and mischievous grins. Both are sociable and cuddly, but while six-year-old Xavier speaks like an adult, two-year-old Declan doesn’t talk yet.

In fact, until a month ago Declan had not even begun to babble or imitate the outside world. He laughed, cried, and screamed with gusto, but the critical aspect of language development was missing. Fortunately, Patricia is trained to help kids with special needs, and she and Dave have been able to get Declan the help that he needed.

Chances are if your child is developmentally delayed, you and your pediatrician will pick up on milestones that just aren’t being met.

Checking Developmental Milestones
The first step in recognizing possible delays in development is to compare your child’s abilities with the expectations for the average child at his or her age. The following milestones for social interaction and language skills come from First Signs, Inc., a national non-profit organization dedicated to educating parents and pediatric professionals about the early warning signs of autism and other developmental disorders.

Four months: Follows and reacts to bright colors, movement, and objects. Turns toward sounds. Shows interest in watching faces. Returns smiles.

Seven to eight months: Sits unsupported. Imitates sounds. Crawls. Claps, points, waves. Bangs two objects together. Understands “no” from your tone of voice.

12 months: Uses a few gestures to get needs met and likes using hands to communicate, share, or point. Will turn to a person speaking or when his name is called. Plays peek-a-boo or other social games. Makes rudimentary mono-syllabic sounds such as “ma,” “ba,” “da,” and “ga.”

15 months: Exchanges smiles, vocalizations, and gestures with you. Uses pointing and other motions to draw attention to something, uses voice to get needs met or garner attention. May be able to speak and understand three or four words, such as “momma,” “poppa,” “bottle,” or “bye-bye.”

18 months: Uses lots of gestures as well as words to get needs met, like pointing or taking you by the hand and directing you to something. Uses at least four different consonants in babbling or words, shows that he knows the names of familiar people or body parts by pointing to or looking at them when named, and plays simple pretend games (like feeding a doll).

24 months: Engages in complex pretend play (such as feeding a doll then putting it to sleep). Uses and understands at least 50 words and can string words together. Enjoys being with children of the same age and is interested in playing with them and/or sharing toys. Looks for a familiar object out of sight when asked about its whereabouts.

36 months: Enjoys pretend play with different characters and with a story line, enjoys playing with other children, uses thoughts/actions together with speech to communicate and play. Will answer simple “who,” “what,” and “where” questions easily and talks about things in the past and the future.

It’s important for parents to remember that a chart of milestones can’t take the place of a screening test performed by a specialist. Rather, the milestones chart will only help parents know whether they should raise their concerns—and also how they can explain those concerns to the doctor. For parents who want more specific resources before consulting with a doctor, there are screening tools available for order online. The medical testing company Forepath (www.forepath.org) offers its PEDS Child Development Screening Test over the Internet for a small fee. The online test also includes the M-CHAT (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers) for parents whose children are over 18 months but younger than five.

Talking to Your Child’s Doctor
Once you’ve identified areas of suspected delay in your child’s development, make an appointment with your general practitioner or pediatrician. While these doctors rarely get involved in the diagnosis and treatment of developmental disorders, it is generally necessary to get a referral from them for a consultation with the appropriate specialists. To confirm her suspicion that Declan was undergoing a developmental delay in language, Patricia checked a range of milestone charts. She saw that Declan’s problem-solving, cognitive, and motor skills were all normal; however, he was several months overdue for milestones in receptive language (understanding what is spoken to him) as well as expressive language (speaking to others). She took him to the family practitioner, who referred her to a speech pathologist and an audiologist.

Visiting the Specialists

As in Declan’s case, the referral from a general practitioner or pediatrician will usually include more than one specialist. The audiologist found that Declan’s hearing was at the lowest level of the normal range; due to repeated ear infections, he has fluid in his middle ear that will require tubes to drain.

Hearing plays a significant role in children’s development of language, especially in children up to three years, who fall into what the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communicative Disorders has termed the critical period for language development. The expectation is that Declan’s language abilities will jump once his hearing improves; if they don’t, however, there may be other problems preventing his development and further tests by other specialists (such as psychologists and neurologists) would be undertaken.
After the audiologist’s testing, the speech pathologist did a developmental assessment on Declan and determined that his receptive language development was six-months delayed and his expressive speech was twelve-months delayed. The specialist recommended speech therapy every two weeks. After two months of therapy, Declan’s vocabulary increased from two to 25 words. Declan’s story is turning out well so far, thanks to early and rapid intervention. His mother knew exactly what kind of assessments to expect and which treatments would be recommended depending on the results. However, for concerned parents who feel overwhelmed by a lack of understanding about their child’s problems, specialist visits can be intimidating.

Managing Problems
While some developmental delays can be overcome through treatment, as in Declan’s case, often the assessment of these delays can lead to the diagnosis of one of a range of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDDs), the most commonly known of which is autism. PDDs are often called Autism Spectrum Disorders because they are classified by the severity of the symptoms present. For example, autistic children have significant deficits in social interaction and communication and they tend to engage in repetitive behaviors such as rocking and stroking or tapping themselves. By comparison, children with Asperger’s can use language much more effectively, although one symptom of Asperger’s is a fixation on an object to the extent that the person speaks to others mainly about that object, regardless of social situation. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of PDDs can be detected in children as early as from birth to one year. In terms of assessment and treatment, doctors will generally refer to a child psychologist or psychiatrist if a PDD is suspected. Treatment can help alleviate symptoms of PDDs (for the child as well as the child’s family), but as the term “pervasive” suggests, these disorders cannot be outgrown or cured. Finally, a word on recognizing, testing, and treating sensory integration problems. The concept behind these problems has been around since the late 1970s, when occupational therapist A. Jane Ayres presented a theory unifying some children’s highly exaggerated sensory responses—of touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound—under the term Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID).
For example:

A child with auditory defensiveness may cover his ears and throw a tantrum if his kindergarten class sings a song together.

A child with tactile defensiveness may violently resist wearing shoes or may be agitated by the inside tags in her clothing.

More detailed descriptions of children with SID can be found on the website for Carol Kranowitz’s benchmark book on SID, The Out-of-Sync Child. Perhaps because SID has been largely studied and treated by occupational therapists rather than psychologists, and because its definitions are still being clarified, SID does not appear in the DSM-IV, the official manual of mental disorders. Diagnosis and treatment of SID, then, must usually be undertaken by an occupational therapist certified to administer the Sensory Integration and Praxis Tests (SIPT). While not categorized as an Autism Spectrum Disorder, SID presents parents with the similar challenge of early detection and intervention—not because SID can be cured, but so that the child and his family know how best to minimize and adjust to the symptoms.