Shule101

Finding out how things are going in your child’s life sometimes takes a bit of strategizing. These tips and questions can help you get the conversation started.
by Patti Ghezzi

One day your child tells you everything, from the consistency of the macaroni and cheese in the cafeteria to the hard words on the spelling test to the funny conversation she had with her best friend.
The next day…poof.
Parent: “So, what’s going on at school?”
Child: “Nothing.”

For many parents, the information they receive about what’s happening at school ebbs and flows, especially once their kids hit 10 or 11 years of age. Even younger children may be reluctant sometimes to share the details of school life.

It doesn’t mean that something’s wrong or that you’re somehow missing a key piece of the parenting puzzle. It may simply be that your child is asserting independence and craving a little privacy. “No one tells parents this,” says Peter Sheras, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Virginia who specializes in adolescent relationships, family relationships, and stress. “Parents feel they are not very good at parenting.”
Of course, that’s not the case. You might just need to tweak your approach. Don’t interrogate, Sheras says. Kids don’t want to be grilled. Be subtle; be patient. Learn to listen intently to the words your child does offer. Watch your child’s body language and demeanor. Avoid yes-or-no questions if possible, and be specific. Try escalating—starting with simple questions and gradually delving into more sensitive topics.

If all else fails, wait it out. Try again later with a different approach, such as choosing a different time of day to start a conversation or taking your child out for a burger before asking questions. In a place where she’s comfortable, she might feel more talkative.

Don’t start the conversation with “We need to have a talk,” Sheras says: “That’s when a child dives under the table.”
Here are some questions that can help you get started.
1.    “I know you were stressed out about that math test. How did it go?”
2.    “I’m really proud of how well you’re doing in school. What are you studying these days that really interests you?”
3.    “You seem to have some good teachers this year. Which one is your favorite?”
4.    “If you could make up a teacher from scratch, a perfect teacher, what would he or she be like?”
5.    “When I was your age, I really didn’t like social studies. I just didn’t see the point in studying how people in Russia lived or what kind of languages Native Americans spoke. What subject are you really not liking these days?”
6.    “What’s your favorite time of day at school?”
7.    “What do you think about your grades? How does your report card compare with what you were expecting?”
8.    “We used to have the meanest boy in my class when I was your age. I still remember what a bully he was. Do you have anyone like that in your class?”
9.    “I’ve been reading a lot in the news about kids picking on other kids. What about at your school? Is that happening?”
10.    “I’m hearing a lot about bullying on the Internet. It sounds a little scary, but I really don’t know what it’s all about. Can you tell me about it?”
11.    “I noticed a few new kids in your class. Which ones have you been able to get to know? What are they like?”
12.    “I know it was hard for you when Kenny transferred to a different school. How’s it going without your best friend around?”
13.    “Who did you sit with at lunch today?”
14.    “I’m sorry you didn’t get invited to Sarah’s birthday party. I know you’re disappointed. How have things changed between you and Sarah now that you’re not in the same class?”
15.    “I really like the way you choose such nice friends. What qualities do you look for in a friend?”
16.    “I know you really like your new friend Caroline, but whenever I see her she’s being disrespectful to adults. Why don’t you tell me what I’m missing? What do you like about her that I’m not seeing?”
17.    “I can tell it embarrasses you when I insist on meeting your friends’ parents before letting you go to their house, but it’s something I need to do as your mom. Is there a way I could do it that would make you feel more comfortable?”
18.    “How’s it going with your activities and schoolwork? What would make it easier for you to manage your schedule and responsibilities?”
19.    “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages. How about we go for a walk and catch up?”
20.    “I’m sureI do things that embarrass you. What do I do that embarrasses you the most?”
Talking with your child should be an ongoing process. Keep the dialogue open, and be available so your child can find you when she feels like chatting.
One final piece of advice from Sheras: “Keep talking even when you think your kids aren’t listening,” he says. “Your children are listening whether they act like it or not.”

The hope of every parent is to have children who are responsible, concerned members of society. Discipline is, of course, part of this effort. Research has repeatedly shown that, despite the importance of the peer group, parents usually have much more influence than they realize. Disciplining children takes a great deal of effort, but the main idea is that children and parents can change.

Changing behavior requires much time and well-thought-out reactions. Some parents simply do not have the time, energy or patience to attempt to motivate change in the child or even in themselves. It is not easy, but read on. You will be convinced that it can be done. You can do it!
Positive Steps Toward Better Discipline

Let your children know you like them. Tell your children how much you admire their good qualities. Don’t take their good behavior for granted. Remember to reward them once in a while. These rewards may take the form of extra time reading to your child, time spent in an activity chosen by your child, or even something as simple as a hug.

Listening to your children, hugging them, smiling or talking with them are all rewards, the kind that you can give hundreds of times every day. One of the most powerful rewards for children is the love, interest and attention they receive from their mother and father.

Let your children know exactly what you expect of them — set limits. Youngsters, who would be the last to admit it, find too much freedom frightening. Set limits for the actions that your children are not ready to control themselves. Children need to know exactly what parents expect of them and also how parents will react to their behavior.

It is important to state your requests clearly. For example, it is much easier for the child to follow the direction, “Please put your glass in the center of the table” than “Be careful with your milk. It’s so close to the edge of the table it will fall off.” Set rules that you think are important and be firm in seeing that your children follow them. Above all, do not make rules you have no intention of enforcing.

Encourage responsible decision making. Whenever possible, find areas in which you know your children can make decisions for themselves. If your child approaches you with a request you feel you should deny, try saying, “What would you say if you were in my place? What should I say? What would be my reason?” You’ll find that if you treat children as responsible individuals, their level of responsibility increases rapidly.

Set a good example. Remember that children are great imitators. While you are telling your children why you think they should not steal, cheat or be cruel to others, be sure they cannot cite some example of your behavior that contradicts these values. Be honest yourself — hypocrisy shows.

Encourage your children to respect proper authority. At home, in school and in other areas of their lives, your children need to know the importance of respecting authority. It is a simple fact that some things cannot or will not be changed. Certain rules must be followed. Help your children understand that it is harmful to them, as well as to everyone else, to have constant arguments, fights and problems with peers and adults. Let your child see how his or her misbehavior affects other people.

Have fun with your children. Young people need to interact with adults. Try choosing a regular time each week to do things as a family. Engaging in sports, playing games, sharing hobbies, visiting museums are some of the many activities that parents and children can enjoy together. In addition, initiate your children to join you in some activities in which they may not usually be asked to participate. Also encourage your children to ask questions and to express their own points of view.

What About Punishment?

Thus far, we have approached the subject of discipline from a very positive standpoint. Changing behavior with positive methods is the best way. But it is a rather slow process, and you may find some behaviors of your child that you need to change more quickly.

Punishment, if used properly, will produce rapid changes in behaviors that disrupt the family. It is strongly recommended, however, that you use punishment sparingly. It does encourage the child to refrain from certain behaviors, but your real task as a parent is to teach the child to be a person. By using the more positive methods described earlier, you can teach the child positive ways of behaving.

Effective punishment relies on withholding rewards or privileges and provides a clearcut method of earning them back. Before punishing, it is a good idea to give a cue (a physical or verbal warning that the behavior is to stop at once). Then punishment should follow immediately after the offense so that the child understands the association between the misbehavior and the punishment.

Avoid physical punishment because other forms of discipline (short periods of isolation or withholding privileged activities) focus more on the behavior and less on the self-concept of the child. Hatred builds quickly when punishment hurts the child physically.

Realistically, however, because some physical punishment is likely, care should be taken that it is neither severe nor prolonged. Physical punishment can be harmful to a child and does not accomplish the goal. Besides, no parents want their children to fear them. If a parent slaps or hits a child in anger, the undesirable behavior may stop, but two things are wrong with this method:

* both parent and child are likely to be upset for some time
* no parent can hit a child every time he or she does something undesirable.

Don’t Give Up

Consistency will determine the success of whatever discipline methods you use. Each time you ask your children to do something, you also have a job. Be predictable — follow through. Remember, too, that your children may have been misbehaving for some time. If this is the case, when you start to correct them, they may not think you mean it. They will learn that you mean business when you continue to follow your program consistently.

If you see your children slipping into behaviors you cannot correct by yourself, it may be time to seek outside assistance. When you feel you have exhausted your own efforts, your child’s teacher, school counselor, or principal, your pastor, or a child or adolescent psychologist may be able to suggest some helpful ideas and strategies.

1. Give positive feedback and show appreciation for teachers and the principal.
2. Approach interactions with a positive attitude and an open mind.
3. Listen to others’ viewpoints.
4. Share your child’s strengths, talents, and interests with your child’s teachers.
5. Share expectations and set goals together for your child.
6. Make appointments as needed to discuss your child’s progress or concerns.
7. Attend parent-teacher conferences with specific questions you want to ask.
8. Indicate the best way to giver you information (phone, e-mail, notes, etc.).
9. Understand and reinforce school rules and expectations at home.
10. Participate in informal opportunities to talk with and to get to know school staff and educators.
11. Address concerns or questions honestly, openly, and early on.
12. Attend PTA or parent meetings regularly.
13. Read classroom and/or school newsletters.
14. Visit your school’s web page.
15. Know school staff’s extensions and office hours.
16. Read and know your school’s handbook.
17. Request that information be available in all relevant languages.
18. Share your family’s culture, values, and parenting practices with your child’s school.
19. Share your perceptions with educators and school staff of how parents are treated.
20. Work with school staff and educators to revise and improve perceptions and school climate.
21. Meet your child’s friends and get to know their parents.
22. Contact your school for information on family programs and resources.
23. Help establish a parent center at school and use its resources.
24. Help create a toy/book lending library and visit it regularly.
25. Assist in developing parent support programs/groups and attend them.
26. Attend workshops or seminars on various parenting topics.
27. Participate in parenting classes on child development, expectations, discipline, etc.
28. Attend parent fairs and other events especially for parents and families.
29. Start a parent book club to discuss current publications.
30. Help create and/or contribute to a school newsletter on parenting.
31. Assist in creating and/or offer your services to before- and after-school programs.
32. Build a child file with medical records, pictures, fingerprints, etc.
33. Make donations and/or offer to work at clothing drives or swaps, food co-ops, etc.
34. Ask teachers or counselors about how to talk with your children about tough topics.
35. Discuss your child’s school day and homework daily.
36. Learn your child’s strengths and weaknesses in different areas of school.
37. Provide a quiet, well-lighted place with basic school supplies for studying/homework.
38. Help your children break down projects into smaller, more manageable steps.
39. Develop a consistent daily routine and time for studying and homework.
40. Provide encouragement and approval for effort and schoolwork.
41. Share your interests, hobbies, and talents with your children.
42. Provide children with books, magazines, and so forth, and develop a nighttime reading routine.
43. View selected TV programs together and then review and discuss them.
44. Make family trips to the library, zoo, museum, or park a fun learning experience.
45. Talk with your child’s teacher on creating home learning games and activities.
46. Complete interactive homework assignments with your child.
47. Attend meetings on learning expectations, assessment, and grading procedures.
48. Help set goals and develop a personalized education plan for your child.
49. Participate in activities that help you understand school technology.
50. Help plan and attend family nights on improving study habits, doing homework, etc.
51. Help develop, visit, or offer services to your school’s study/tutor center.
52. Participate in fairs and fests for math, science, history, and so forth.
53. Respond to school surveys on your interests, talents, and skills.
54. Let school staff know your availability to volunteer (days, times, and how often).
55. Supervise and coordinate evening and weekend volunteer activities at school
56. Assist your child’s teacher in the classroom or on field trips when you are able.
57. Work with school staff and teachers to develop volunteer activities you can do from home.
58. Assist school staff and educators in creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere for parents.
59. Help provide child care and/or transportation for volunteering parents.
60. Help develop creative ways to use volunteers at school.
61. Actively help school staff recruit parents and community members as volunteers.
62. Attend training and orientation on how to be an effective volunteer.
63. Learn and uphold school discipline, confidentiality, and other policies as a volunteer.
64. Plan a regular time each week to talk with school staff and educators with whom you are working.
65. Help developed volunteer job descriptions and evaluations.
66. Participate in organizing and planning ways to recognize and appreciate volunteers.
67. Respond to school surveys/questionnaires on how effective volunteer programs are.
68. Help develop and distribute a volunteer directory to parents, school staff, and teachers.
69. Provide volunteer consulting services to school staff or educators in your area of expertise.
70. Learn of school and district policies and practices that affect children.
71. Voice your support or concerns on any issue that will affect your family.
72. Be involved in decisions on student placement and course and textbook selections.
73. Participate in meetings to determine special educational needs and services.
74. Attend workshops on problem solving, conflict resolution, public speaking, and so forth.
75. Serve on school advisory councils or committees on curriculum, discipline, and so forth.
76. Serve on a site-based school management team with teachers and the principal.
77. Encourage and support older children in serving in student leadership positions.
78. Help your school create a student’s rights and responsibilities guide for families.
79. Attend PTA, school board, and/or town meetings and speak to issues of concern.
80. Learn representatives’ backgrounds and participate in school board election.
81. Work with teachers and school administrators to develop a parent involvement policy.
82. Write, call, or travel to the capital to support or oppose proposed legislation.
83. Participate in petition drives or letter-writing campaigns to Congress on legislation.
84. Give testimony at public hearings in support of or opposition to education legislation.
85. Vote in local, state elections for public officials who support education.
86. Help your school develop a directory of social and community services.
87. Find out information on community resources and organizations and use them.
88. Help develop and/or distribute a community newsletter to local agencies and businesses.
89. Help coordinate and participate in an event to raise money for a local charity.
90. Talk with employers about holding parent meetings or parenting workshops on-site.
91. Advocate for flexible work schedules and leave time to attend school functions.
92. Encourage employers and local businesses to make donations and support school programs.
93. Help organize and/or participate in community health fairs.
94. Help recruit community members (seniors, business people) to volunteer at school.
95. Become active in community groups such as YMCA and Boy and Girl Scouts.
96. Serve on local community advisory councils and committees.
97. Work with local authorities and public officials to sponsor community events.
98. Help organize and/or participate in a community “clean up” or “beautification” project.
99. Encourage and help facilitate your child’s participation in community service.
100. Be a role model—be active in community service yourself or together with your child.

At their next Group of Eight summit in Toyakocho, Hokkaido, in July, leaders of the world s major countries should commit themselves to helping Africa provide low-cost high-speed Internet access.

African universities could be the continent’s gateways into the global knowledge economy for local diffusion of new technologies. But this potential remains unrealized because universities and research institutes in Africa remain digitally isolated from the rest of the world. This is partly because of government neglect and lack of strategic policies on Internet access.

African universities of the size of Tokyo University have the Internet capability of a single Japanese household. Put another way, it is like 30,000 people trying to use a single household connection. This is impracticable and, as a result, most African universities hardly benefit from the abundant scientific and technical knowledge available in other parts of the world.

Calestous Juma / Originally published in the  The Daily Yomiuri

WASHINGTON, April 30 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) will provide $1 million to fund 20 partnership-planning grants of $50,000 to plan long-term collaborations between African and U.S. institutions of higher education.

Collaborating with the National Association of State Universities and Land-Grant Colleges (NASULGC), the USAID grant will help to build African university capacity for instruction and problem-solving through the Africa-U.S. Higher Education Initiative. The focus will be in areas such as agriculture, health care, science and technology, primary and secondary education, business, engineering, economics and other disciplines. The entire $1 million will be used for partnership grants because NASULGC and others will share the administrative costs.

The grant was announced during the two-day Higher Education Summit for Global Development held April 29 and 30 at the U.S. Department of State. The conference drew nearly 300 university presidents, government officials, and corporate and foundation leaders to Washington, from around the globe.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation also awarded a $100,000 grant to NASULGC to build the grant-making framework for the Africa-U.S. Higher Education Collaboration Initiative. New funding would be used for university partnerships to build agriculture education and problem- solving capacity in African universities.

The Africa-U.S. Higher Education Initiative is led by NASULGC with the Partnership to Cut Hunger and Poverty in Africa, the Forum for Agricultural Research in Africa, Higher Education for Development and the American Distance Education Consortium as key partners. More than a dozen other higher education organizations, African embassies and other organizations are also participating.

For more information about USAID and its education programs around the world, please visit www.usaid.gov.

The American people, through the U.S. Agency for International Development, have provided economic and humanitarian assistance worldwide for nearly 50 years.

Public Information: 202-712-4810

Education is the best deal on the planet. For a modest investment one can harvest the knowledge distilled from thousands of generations of human evolution.

Moving up the ladder allows one to improve upon and generate new knowledge. Nations benefit from this public good by supporting institutions for collecting and imparting knowledge to their citizens.

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The leaders of newly independent Kenya clearly understood this. While many newly independent African nations were expending resources on the military and grandiose projects, Kenya was building up its human capital.

That investment has served the nation well. One of education’s prime benefits is the capacity to domesticate our more violent impulses and anti-social behaviours, and this was reflected in Kenya’s reputation as a peaceful and progressive nation.

Success, however, has also impeded sectoral reform and innovation, leading to the violence erupting in school compounds across the country.

Kenya embraced and replicated the British educational model imported by its colonial rulers. Kenyans progressed but the educational system did not.

By the 1970s, the challenges facing the nation were exposing the limits of the elitist model, and failure to act upon this is responsible for the conflagration consuming the system from within.

ALTHOUGH THE BEST STUDENT WILL do well regardless of the conditions, the quality generated at the top of the educational monoculture has acted to overshadow the system’s bipolar contradictions.

The 8-4-4 reforms attempted to make education more relevant to the masses while retaining the system’s fossilised structures.

More subjects increased the demands on students’ time and energies while lowering the quality of learning.

Test scores have become a tractor beam preventing adaptation to a rapidly changing world. The rankings based on schools’ national exam results confer status and income, but act to marginalise extra-curricular activities that are equally important for equipping students to operate in the outside environment.

Two tests measuring the ability to memorise facts and to process numerical data exert a disproportionate influence on young learners’ futures. The stakes resting on a single examination ratchet up the pressure on students to unproductive levels and can lead to tragic outcomes.

Children become estranged from their parents, fathers beat their sons (last year a father killed his son when he failed to get straight As); cases of student suicide are not uncommon.

The maladaptive association between testing and instrumental goals highlighted by the furore over mock exams is a primary symptom of the malaise.

Administrators blame indiscipline and drugs; lax parents too feature high on the list. The problems extend to the upper levels of the educational system, yet the response has focused on retrenching the sector’s straitjacketed management regime.

BUT TRUNDLING OUT THE USUAL SUSpects only perpetuates a number of ills that from time to time re-emerge with a bang, like the latest round of rioting and burning.

The phenomenon is hardly new, but this time the chaos spread like wildfire, engulfing hundreds of schools and amplifying the critical need to re-evaluate the country’s failing educational model.

Learning is an open-ended process but Kenyan pedagogy is regimental. The playing field is uneven and the rewards encourage foul play.

Students are punished when caught yet the facilitators go unpunished. Small wonder mock exams triggered a major uprising.

The issues raised run much deeper, especially in boarding schools. From a systems-level perspective, the combination of deep-seated problems and the responses they have generated invite comparisons with other highly centralised regimes and dictatorships.

From the outside, many secondary schools appear to be model institutions. Some are; others come close.

From the inside, however, many schools are juvenile prisons where those “fortunate” enough to gain entry endure the trials of military boot camp while coping with an internal order more characteristic of Lord of the Flies than the green fields of Eton.

Kenyans adopted the colonial education model at a time when the economy was primarily agrarian and the population was under 10 million.

The rules that worked when education facilitated Africanisation and most students came from rural backgrounds no longer obtain. The population has trebled and the challenges are now different.

Learned professionals shun information technology and regard computers to be secretarial tools. Their colleagues in the educational sector prioritise building dormitories to keep students in, then cite fiscal constraints to keep the Internet out.

Entropy has overtaken the elitist model, and under these conditions the traditional mechanisms for managing the sector backfire. It follows that many of the system’s strengths have not carried over into the societal milieu.

Reading is an instrumental skill, not a voluntary activity. The market for reading materials furnishes the most obvious evidence of this syndrome.

When Mombasa’s Hussein Stationers closed sometime in the early 1990s, it left Kenya’s second largest city with a single shelf of non-technical books.

Kenya’s other non 8-4-4 bookstores could be counted on two hands and were concentrated exclusively in Nairobi until Nakumatt began to open branches in other towns.

This underlines the fact that far too many educated Kenyans rarely crack open a book.

The popularity of soap operas and Spanish telenovelas on the tube are a poor reflection of the high station accorded to school drama, and sports are neglected in comparison — which is rather amazing considering Kenya’s prominent profile in global arenas.

SPORTS PROVIDE AN OUTLET FOR the youth’s competitive energies while teaching fair play and teamwork.

My own experience coaching in local secondary schools showed the latter to be sorely lacking and the former in need of positive reinforcement and both problems resurface in the form of Kenya’s sports officials.

Knowledge is power, but in Kenya certificates are even more powerful.

The quest for credentials has seen secondary schools become the system’s prison-factories and universities devolve into training institutes qualifying graduates to compete with age-mates who entered the job market before them.

The frustrations faced by university leavers who entered the police force only to remain constables illustrate the inverted relationship between education and occupational mobility in some fields.

These contradictions mirror the broader impact of unbridled commercialisation that has devalued the formerly elite status of educationalists and scholars.

Kenyan intellectuals’ ability to challenge the nation’s leadership and institutions faded during the Moi era and their role fell to the lawyers.

The wily president used a range of methods to neutralise the pesky professoriate — detention, harassment, freezing salaries while overloading them by increasing student intake, and recruiting them into the government.

In 1990, the professor emeritus of Kenya’s applied politics declared victory in a speech at Moi University, singling out political science as the kind of unproductive discipline students should avoid.

Indigenisation of Kenya’s political discourse was in any event overdue; why read Shakespeare when you can watch King Lear and Hamlet being faithfully acted out live on the national stage?

Well, the reasons are many. For one, it is easy to draw the wrong lessons without proper guidance and discussion of a text’s meaning.

In “Generation Disaster,” an article published in this paper at the height of the post-electoral crisis, Martin Kimani demonstrated as much. The same tendency to imitate and not to avoid the tragic human flaws illuminated in the classics contributes to the educational impasse.

This is hardly a uniquely Kenyan problem and even if the education system has become overly robotic, Kenyan society remains impressively dynamic.

The eruption of school violence should not distort the pre-existing case for reform.

Moody Awori reformed the prison system by injecting a measure of kindness and low-cost improvements.

The education minister appeared to take the opposite tack by revoking small privileges and beefing up the educational police state. He was backed by parents who expect schools to act in loco parentis.

They blame teachers, the teachers blame parents, and most everyone cites student indiscipline — even while the system’s primary stakeholders attribute their actions to accumulating frustrations due to their lack of a voice.

MEMORISING THE PARTS OF A FROG is an abstract exercise testing students’ ability to retain information.

Strengthening the brain’s recall function enhances our ability to process information.

But how do you account for my neighbourhood chemist boasting about graduating with honours in mathematics while tallying up simple sums on a calculator?

Training students to use knowledge for solving real-world problems, in contrast, requires developing learners’ capacity to think and to distil answers from a wide range of information.

At this juncture, when conventional solutions are no longer adequate for many of the challenges facing the nation, decolonising the rigidly hierarchical system is at least part of the answer to Kenya’s educational conundrum.

Universal access to primary education was a step in this direction.

Improving the relevance of educational content is arguably the next. Students can provide invaluable input for developing a pedagogical approach to that by fostering discipline from within, thus reducing the need to impose it from without.

Investing them with a degree of responsibility for their own future is certainly more likely to quell the spreading rebellion than banning mobile phones and hip-hop on school buses.

Paul Goldsmith is a researcher based in Meru