Shule101

By: Joan E. LeFebvre
At some point, most of us have been witness to a painful scene: A child’s separation-anxiety meltdown. It goes something like this: A three-year-old wails “Don’t leave me here! I wanna go hooome!” as his frazzled mother attempts to loosen the iron grip he managed to establish on her leg. Clearly, no amount of lighthearted “won’t-today-be-fun” banter on the drive to preschool had managed to stave off this episode. She probably dared to believe he was prepared, hoping against hope for a nonchalant kiss on the cheek and breezy wave goodbye. But nope. She found herself in the octopus-like clutches of a child with separation anxiety.

Although a strong relationship with parents helps children to cope with their anxiety as the time for goodbyes approaches, first “big” separations can be challenging for child and parent alike. As soon as babies have the capacity to remember a parent, beginning at approximately seven months of age, many children weep as though they’ve been eternally forsaken when mom or dad walks out the door. Toddlers cling koala-like to their mothers when they sense her imminent departure.

Separation fears may be more intense in children who are temperamentally “slow-to-warm-up” and have difficulty making transitions or entering new situations. They can experience a variety of emotions such as anger, guilt, jealousy, confusion, hurt, and fear. Preschool children may regress to outgrown behavior like whining, crying, and bed-wetting, or may become more aggressive and demanding. So what can be done to minimize the chance that your child will suffer from fears of separation?

Security Blanket or Favorite Toy
Linus was onto something: A favorite toy or blanket can help your child feel more confident and secure. Research shows that children who are given “transitional objects” cry less when they are separated from their parents. These children are also able to explore their environment more actively and focus on and learn new tasks better than children not in the possession of a favorite item.

No Parental Guilt!
Parents often feel guilty and distressed about their child’s natural reaction to a separation and may unwittingly prolong and reinforce a separation reaction. There are two ways in which a parent can go wrong here: By leaving too soon and by not leaving soon enough. You walk a fine line, and choosing the perfect moment to make your move can be tricky. But whatever you do, be sure to say goodbye. Don’t just sneak out as soon as your child’s attention is diverted. On the other hand, don’t linger. Reassure your preschooler through your words and your actions that everything will be fine in your absence and that you will come back for him soon.

Suggestions for Parents
Before you leave, tell the child you are going, and mention when you will return. It may help to say something like “…and I’ll pick you up at 11 o’clock just like last week” to enable her to imagine the duration of her separation from you. In order to bear being apart, a child must know that the parent will return.

After you say you are leaving, go! If you linger because of the child’s whining, then you are teaching your child that whining is an effective way to get what he wants.

Expressing affection for your child is appropriate, but separation is made more difficult if you, the parent, verbally or nonverbally express ambivalence, guilt, worry, or uncertainty about leaving the child. Be confident! The parent’s emotional response to separation is a common cause of the child’s emotional response.

Practice with brief separations first. Show your child that you return reliably.

Don’t be late picking your child up! Be on time, or even a little early. Children can get very distressed, feeling abandoned if all the other children have been picked up and they’re “left alone.”

Provide a consistent routine that children can count on, and stick with it. Most adults feel more secure when they know what’s going to happen next. Children have an even greater need for routine.

Allow children some time to get accustomed to new people. Kids feel more secure when they know and trust their caregivers. If your child is slow to adapt to new situations, she may even need a few weeks to transition. Patience is key.

Separation anxiety is normal; to children, separation is the most threatening of all situations. On rare occasions, however, it may be a red flag that there’s a problem that you should know about. Talk to your child and your day care provider about what your child experiences at day care. Perhaps she gets teased by other children or is afraid of the class’s pet guinea pig. Maybe he thinks the teacher looks like mean Uncle Albert! Whatever the cause, when separation anxiety persists it makes sense for you to be proactive and sleuth out the reason so that it can be addressed and overcome.

Never Threaten a Child With Separation
Parents sometimes resort to threatening little children with “going away” in order to frighten them into better behavior. It’s true this often results in some improvement in the child’s conduct, since the possibility of losing a parent is so upsetting that he will do anything to avoid it. But these threats may also produce extreme anxiety in the child. Basically this kind of threat tells the child that you would be willing and able to leave him at any time. A bad act, he realizes, might cause him to lose his parents forever. Better for the child to be confident that he can count on your love and support through thick and thin.

To Sum It Up
Be patient and thorough when explaining the reason for your departure to your child. Doing so can help her feel confident that you will return, and that she hasn’t done anything “bad” to make you leave. Because young children lack a real understanding of cause and effect, they may not be clear on points that you consider obvious. If your child does regress to outgrown behavior, you may need to adjust your expectations and standards. Strive to establish a consistent routine. Pay particular attention to basic needs such as sleep, meals and exercise. Your child needs to feel that you are dependable, that he can count on you to do as you say you will. Use separations as opportunities to build the level of trust between you.

When your child doesn’t know a word in her reading books, should you tell her what it is? Should you teach your child the alphabet before he starts school? We have compiled reading tips to help parents best help their children learn to read:

Tips for Reading to Preschoolers

* Snuggle with your child with her favorite blanket or toys as you read.
* Read with expression using different voices for different characters.
* Emphasize rhythms and rhymes in stories. Give your toddler opportunities to repeat rhyming phrases.
* Encourage your child to repeat what you say or comment on it. Encourage your child to ask questions. Provide models of interesting questions and examples of possible answers: “I wonder what is going to happen next? I think the rabbit will get lost because he is not paying attention to where he is going. What do you think?”
* Look for books that are about things that interest your toddler. For example, does your child like cars, insects or animals?
* Give your child a chance to choose his own books for reading. If your toddler chooses a book that is too long to hold his attention, read some and skip some, discussing the pictures and how they relate to the story.
* Read stories again and again. Your toddler enjoys repetition, and it helps her become familiar with the way stories are organized.
* If your child is curious and is making comments about letters, there is no reason why she should not become familiar with the alphabet before she starts school. Playing with alphabet blocks and singing “The Alphabet Song” are happy ways for your child to become acquainted with letters.
* Make books a joyous and important part of your child’s life. Read to him every day. Let him talk about the stories. Ask questions about the pictures. Ask him to point out pictured objects that are alike and different in shape and in color. This activity helps children to observe small differences in the shapes of letters and words when learning to read.
* Avoid baby talk. Speak to your child in grownup language now, so she will recognize words she sees and hears in the classroom. Also, baby words for objects may be laughed at by the other youngsters.
* Provide a variety of experiences. Take your child to the zoo, the park, the airport. Teach your child the names of animals, flowers, etc. In order to understand the words encountered in reading, your child should have first-hand experience with the objects they stand for.
* From time to time, give your child simple, consecutive instructions. For example: “Pick up the ball, then bounce it, then put it on the table.” Make a game out of it, if you like. Such activities will help your child develop memory skills and follow directions accurately, both of which are essential in school.
* Set a good example as a reader—read every day at home even if it is a magazine or newspaper.
* Make reading fun, a time that you both look forward to spending together.

Tips for Reading to and with Children in Kindergarten–Class 3

* Keep reading to your child even when he can read. Read books that are too difficult or long for him to read alone.
* Try reading books with chapters and talk about what is happening in the story. Encourage your child to make predictions about what will happen next and connect characters or events to those in other books and stories.
* Talk with your child about reading preferences that are beginning to develop. Ask whether she likes adventure stories, mysteries, science fiction, animal stories or stories about other children. Encourage her to explain the reasons for preferences.
* Talk with your child about favorite authors and help him find additional books by those authors.
* Take turns reading a story with your child. Don’t interrupt to correct mistakes that do not change the meaning.
* Talk about the meaning of new words and ideas introduced in books. Help your child think of examples of new concepts.
* Talk with your child about stories using the notions of the beginning, middle and end of the story to organize thinking and discussion.
* Ask your child to tell why a character might have taken a specific action. Ask for information from the story to support your answer.
* If he wants to read aloud to you from his school book, listen attentively. If he stumbles over a word from time to time, simply tell him what it is. However, if he misses many words in material with which he should be familiar, consult his teacher.
* When she reads aloud to you, don’t try to use teaching techniques, such as having her “sound out” words. Instead, enjoy the story together, laugh over it, discuss the plot, praise her for reading especially well, or for figuring out a word for herself.
* Give children extra opportunities to read. Let them read the directions for that new game or for putting model airplanes together. Ask them to “help you” by reading the cookie recipe or traffic signs.
* Introduce the pleasures of the public library. Let him browse. Get a library card for her. Let him choose books that he wants, rather than books you feel he should read. Buy books for children, too, as the basis for a home library of their own.
* Set a good example as a reader—read every day at home even if it is a magazine or newspaper.
* Make reading fun, a time that you both look forward to spending together.

Tips for Reading to and with Children in Class 4-6

* Take turns reading a book with your child.
* Ask your child to compare a book to another familiar book. How are the characters alike or different? Do the stories take place in similar settings? How are the illustrations the same or different?
* Ask what part of the story or book your child liked best and why.
* Ask if your child liked the ending of the story. Why or why not?
* Ask your child what type of mood the story or chapter in a book creates. Ask how the author creates the mood. For example, does she use certain words, events or settings that create a particular feeling?
* If your child has read more than one book by the same author, ask how the books are similar or different.
* Provide your child with a reliable home dictionary and encyclopedia. Encourage children to look up subjects that puzzle or interest them. In school, reading lessons include library research.
* If your child is not enthusiastic about reading, choose books on subjects sure to interest her or him: books on sports, books of riddles or magic tricks, books on hobbies. Be sure they are not too difficult for your child to read.
* If she’s a television rather than a reading fan, see which programs she prefers and provide suitable books on the same subjects. If Westerns are her favorites, for example, she’ll probably enjoy some of the fine children’s books now available about the early West.
* If a young person is an avid comic book reader (ages 9, 10 and 11 are likely to be), don’t make a big issue out of it. Make sure your child is also provided with other more worthwhile books that offer lively adventure in an easy-to-read format. Most children outgrow the comic book phase, if other literature is available in their homes.
* Set a good example as a reader—read every day at home even if it is a magazine or newspaper.
* Make reading fun, a time that you both look forward to spending together.